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September 26, 2010 / Cate

Fourth Shopping

Grocery Store: $79.41

Milk (grass-fed Jersey milk from our Amish neighbor – our first time trying it. I’ll let you know how it is): $5.00

Toot Valley Farm Market: $15

Meat from freezer: $7

Total: $106.41

I didn’t do so well this week. The honey ($5.50 from Toot Vally) really hurt, and I caved in and bought pudding for the kids ($1.00). I’m also trying a few new recipes, which meant strange ingredients, like phyllo dough. Plus I ran out of cumin last week, which I’ll need for this week’s green chili.

But more importantly is how did I get from First Shopping to Fourth Shopping?

Truth is I’ve been on this grocery budget for four weeks now. I kept thinking that I would delay my posts by a week or so, give myself time to revise, tighten, work on a more congenial and less authoritative tone (I really hate how self-assured I sound in first drafts. I know it’s a compensation for insecurity).

But even more, it’s against my nature to write something and pop it up for the world to see; except for book reviews, I don’t think I’ve written anything decent that hasn’t taken at least a year of drafts.

But the reality is this: I teach at a 2-year college, which means I have a heavy teaching load and bring a lot of work home. I adore spending time with my husband and kids. I’m bewitched by a Morgan horse that needs to be ridden at least twice a week. I love to garden and cook because they make me slow down, but they also let me take care of my family.

Writing doesn’t fit. No, that’s not right. I haven’t made it fit. I haven’t made the sacrifices I need to (read: sleep) to make writing happen.

So not only is this blog an adventure in (monetary) restraint, it’s a leap of fear and necessity. I have to get my butt in the chair on a regular basis and make myself accountable for the writing – not just the grocery tally.

Okay, here goes. What happens if I take an hour to write a post, pop it up, and let it alone?

 At least there’s tomorrow.

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